How 5 months and 5 days ends.

Few days ago i just came face to face with a very painful break up ever. Seriously brought me down to the lowest point of my life. My whole dreams, hopes and plans shattered. This may seem like a diary or so to some. But this somewhat helps me to recover a bit, though not fully.

Started like 5 months ago. No point of me mentioning the detail of the beginning. Went so well throughout the period of being together, though some arguements and missunderstandings accur but we settled them eventually. And it was not easy. Everyone thought we were perfect and stuffs whilst most don't see what happened behind the scene. We went for day trips, romantic dinner, attended wedding dinner together, outings and stuffs. Seems perfect to most. Well i hope it was what people see that last forever and get rid of those issues we were going through together that seems so difficult to get it settled.

It was my fault most of the time that i wanted this relationship to be so perfect that i neglect her part and her preferences. I was stubborn. Both were to be honest, in many ways. Since problems after problems keep on piling up. I guess she cant take it anymore.. She gave up. I did not. Somehow still hoping but yet i need to start thinking for my own good. No point forcing a relationship anyways. I do regret those mistakes i made. I was selfish that I made decisions through my own point of perspective. Thinking that what i said was often right and yet sometimes i was wrong. Though we were 4 years in difference of age. i guess i'm a bit old kinda mentality. Different era, those kinda shits.

I was somewhat obsessive and sometimes over concerned about her well being. Seems that made her feel uncomfortable in someway. This break up gives me a huge knock on my head making me realize what shits i've done and how things should be done to make things better. Well, its a bit to late for me. Should have thought of it earlier.

I was seriously down, devastated, upset, angry, shocked and so on, when this seems to be for real and i've got no more chance to make things right for us. A friend of mine suddenly message me on facebook, saying she is somewhat going through the healing period of a broke up, shared me some very helpful articles. Made me realize stuffs i never did. I'm seriously glad that she shared me those article. Made me feel better and think more wisely then i was before. Those articles was about how to deal with situation that im going through; break up.

As i go through reading stuffs related to my situations, gave me a brighter idea of what to do. Well, begging to continue back this broke up relationship was not one of it. though i wish there was a way of doing so. And so far i'm doing good at following the suggestions on dealing my situation(since a few hours ago to be exact). Its a good start at least. Better than nothing.

I was seriously down. Cried like hell i have to admit. Though does not seem right for a guy to be this sensitive and shits. I know i love her so much and the feeling was real. Ending up like this will surely bring down the toughest guy in the world as well if it meets exactly as my scenario. Recovering from this is very very dificult. Ive never fell in love with a girl this badly before. Seriously. And despite that feeling i have till now. I cant force something that will never happen. If she is so firm with her decision. And i cant do anythng else anymore to chnge her mind.

I Love You so much Gigi Chua Hui Chei. I hope the best for you. Ive made mistakes in life and letting you go was d biggest one yet. And I'm trying my best to recover from this.

12 Uplifting Quotes About Moving On After A Break Up

"Moving on,is simple thing, what it leaves behind is had." -Dave Mustaine

"Watching you walk out of my life does not make me bitter or cynical about love. But rather makes me realize that if i wanted so much to be with the wrong person how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along." -Anonymous

"Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving." -Albert Einstein

"You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore." -Christopher Columbus

"Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart" -Washington Irving

"When one door closes, another opens, but we often look so long and so regretfully uppon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us." -Alexander Graham Bell

"I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What broken is broken, and I'd rather remember it was at the best than mend it and see the broken pieces as long as I lived." -Margaret Mitchell

"The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you cant go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches." -Anonymous

"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." -E.M. Forster

"Letting go doesn't mean that you don't care about someone anymore. It's just realizing that the only person you really have to control over is yourself." -Deborah Reber

"Letting go has never been easy, but holding on can be as difficult. Yet strength is measured not by holding on, but by letting go." -Len Santos

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You mus do the thing you think you cannot do." -Elenor Roosevelt

Marriage

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes..

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.
— At least, in the eyes of our son — I’m a loving husband...

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up

The Cube...

Sculpture Sur Glace... :)

Yesterday(Feb 25^th) was the day I was waiting since the week before because I get to know that we were going to do some ICE CARVING!!!!!! Wohoooo!!! Hehehehe… :P… but I was late that morning… half an hour late to be exact…. Woke up late that morning because I forgot to set the alarm…:S…. Luckily the rest of my group members haven’t started yet and were given explanation about the tools and general stuffs about ice carving… :P… there's a lot of tools used for carving ice… including chain saw, chisel, saw, some rotary tools and so on… plus they are not cheap…

The Ice Block

We're gonna use a few of the tools yesterday... chisel(a few types of it), chainsaw, and some other... we were asked to wear gloves to throughout the whole process... because of the ice was so cold... duhh!!!? hehehehe... :P... and helps reduce the risk of getting cuts from the sharp chisel while carving... in this CAD(Culinary Arts & Design) class, we were divided into 3 groups... each group gets one big block of ice... btw we we're also explained on how to handle the ice block as well to prevent it from shattering and so on... :)

Cutting the ice into two with the saw... didn't get a pic of me cutting with a chainsaw... :(

1st of all we were ask to trim the sides of the huge ice block and cut it into two... :)... we're going to make a square container and a leaf bowl... :)... there's 4 of us in the group... at 1st all of us were at the 1st block doing the container... then Chef asked me to start carving the leaf bowl.. ehehehe... by my self!!! wahahahahahahahahh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Carving the Ice Container... :)

Got myself the tools required and started the leaf bowl straight away... hehehe... i love this... :)... but the thing about ice carving is that, it is so damn tiring!!!! sweating throughout the whole process of carving them... :S.... anyway... i don't mind... because i love doing this... wahhaha...

Me carving the "Leaf Bowl"

The Leaf Bowl pics... :P

i did mine slightly different from what was suppose to be like... :P... the inner part of the bowl was curved instead of edgy which was supposed to be like... hehe... i like it curved better since it looks more natural... hehaahaha... :P... plus the sides i did not follow the starting design.... i followed the leaf design i did on my previous pumpkin leaf... hehehe... :P.... haha... mine was abit different... then the other group ciplak(copied) my leaf bowl pattern... wahahhaha... :P... i don't mind anyway... we all there to learn... :)...

Group Photo with our ices... :P

Our ices are thrown into the drain...we have to... :(

Ice carving was really really fun but in the same time its very tiring... although it was cold... but still we will sweat while carving them... it takes some effort to get it done since it is very hard... and we need to be careful not to hit to hard to avoid for getting it ruined and shatter... :P..

Fleur Sculpture!!!!!

Tomorrow(23 feb 2011) is my friends birthday and was thinking of making something for her(Jenny Lim to be exact)... thought of making carvings but no idea our of what... the last post was about me learning fruit carvings and stuffs in CAD(Culinary Arts & Design) class... if fruits or vegies weren't ment to be kept in a long period... out of wood might consume me a few days to finish it i think...

Then i remmembered wat i learned when i was 10 years old, i learned to carve on soaps in arts class... :)... but simple designs of course... made a heart shape and so on which is very very simple... :).. then thought of using soap with the design of carving that i learned from fruit carvings in CAD Class...

:)... got my self a block of soap and cut the sides so it fits in a box that i am gonna place it into...

Cut The sides and made a circle line..


Made a deep groove and made lines for the leafs...


Made the leaves... took me around one and half hour... just the leafs... :P


Started to make the flower in the middle... took me an hour to get the shape... :P




Refining tho whole thing... slightly more than half an hour... :P



All done... :)...

The whole process took me 3 hours to make... :)... just stop to get drinks only and then straight on continue doing... wahahhaha... :P... well... it worth the time and the outcome was awesome!!!... hehehehe... :P... Hope that Jenny Lim a.k.a Bak Bao, would love this.. hahahaha... :P

Fruits & Vegies Carved By Bone.. :P

This past 4 classes of Culinary Arts & Design (CAD) Class, we've been doing vegetables and fruit carving... Which is actually my favourite class for my course in KDU... :)... i was an art student before and love arts as well... but to to the extend of beeing hyperly into arts stream... in Culinary course i could develop my skills and passion for arts and food(cooking)... hehe...

well.... i love carvings... :)... the 1st class of CAD we did vegetables carvings... making leaves shapes out of cucumber, flowers out of chillies... flowers out of radish, potatoes and so on... in the end we arrange all those carvings to make this Vegetable Floral Bouquet...

The bouquet of vegie flower. :P

flower carved from radish... :P

The second class of CAD, we did pumpkin carving... :P... made leaves and flower out of it... :P... kinda simple for this one... :) but still i love it!!! :P... hehhehe...

Then The third was the fruit cuts... and plating... hmm... this was kinda basic only... should have been the 1st... hehehe.... :)... but still need some attention to detail when doing this... heheheh.. .:)

The fourth class was this morning... :P... we made watermelon carving... :P... hehehe... some flower at the top and leaves at the sides... damn tidious... takes time and need to pay attention when beeing thought of the method of doing.. :S... its beeing shown in stages when doing this... the chef shown us the first layer and stuff, then we follow... after done with one then goes the rest of the layers and stages... :P... turned out damn pretty... :P... i love it...

The Stages... :P... hehe...

The final product... :P.. hehehehe... :)

well... i love this class alot... coz it shows my capabilities of doing the carvings and shows my creativity... :P.... hehehe... starting from next week its gonna be ICE CARVING!!!!!! 4 classes of those!!!!! cant wait for it!!! since it is very very very interesting and i cant wait for it!!!!!!!!!!!
I wonder what are we going to carve out of the ice... hahahah... :P.... i love this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :P... heheheheh.. .:)