Few days ago i just came face to face with a very painful break up ever. Seriously brought me down to the lowest point of my life. My whole dreams, hopes and plans shattered. This may seem like a diary or so to some. But this somewhat helps me to recover a bit, though not fully.
Started like 5 months ago. No point of me mentioning the detail of the beginning. Went so well throughout the period of being together, though some arguements and missunderstandings accur but we settled them eventually. And it was not easy. Everyone thought we were perfect and stuffs whilst most don't see what happened behind the scene. We went for day trips, romantic dinner, attended wedding dinner together, outings and stuffs. Seems perfect to most. Well i hope it was what people see that last forever and get rid of those issues we were going through together that seems so difficult to get it settled.
It was my fault most of the time that i wanted this relationship to be so perfect that i neglect her part and her preferences. I was stubborn. Both were to be honest, in many ways. Since problems after problems keep on piling up. I guess she cant take it anymore.. She gave up. I did not. Somehow still hoping but yet i need to start thinking for my own good. No point forcing a relationship anyways. I do regret those mistakes i made. I was selfish that I made decisions through my own point of perspective. Thinking that what i said was often right and yet sometimes i was wrong. Though we were 4 years in difference of age. i guess i'm a bit old kinda mentality. Different era, those kinda shits.
I was somewhat obsessive and sometimes over concerned about her well being. Seems that made her feel uncomfortable in someway. This break up gives me a huge knock on my head making me realize what shits i've done and how things should be done to make things better. Well, its a bit to late for me. Should have thought of it earlier.
I was seriously down, devastated, upset, angry, shocked and so on, when this seems to be for real and i've got no more chance to make things right for us. A friend of mine suddenly message me on facebook, saying she is somewhat going through the healing period of a broke up, shared me some very helpful articles. Made me realize stuffs i never did. I'm seriously glad that she shared me those article. Made me feel better and think more wisely then i was before. Those articles was about how to deal with situation that im going through; break up.
As i go through reading stuffs related to my situations, gave me a brighter idea of what to do. Well, begging to continue back this broke up relationship was not one of it. though i wish there was a way of doing so. And so far i'm doing good at following the suggestions on dealing my situation(since a few hours ago to be exact). Its a good start at least. Better than nothing.
I was seriously down. Cried like hell i have to admit. Though does not seem right for a guy to be this sensitive and shits. I know i love her so much and the feeling was real. Ending up like this will surely bring down the toughest guy in the world as well if it meets exactly as my scenario. Recovering from this is very very dificult. Ive never fell in love with a girl this badly before. Seriously. And despite that feeling i have till now. I cant force something that will never happen. If she is so firm with her decision. And i cant do anythng else anymore to chnge her mind.
I Love You so much Gigi Chua Hui Chei. I hope the best for you. Ive made mistakes in life and letting you go was d biggest one yet. And I'm trying my best to recover from this.
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