How 5 months and 5 days ends.

Few days ago i just came face to face with a very painful break up ever. Seriously brought me down to the lowest point of my life. My whole dreams, hopes and plans shattered. This may seem like a diary or so to some. But this somewhat helps me to recover a bit, though not fully.

Started like 5 months ago. No point of me mentioning the detail of the beginning. Went so well throughout the period of being together, though some arguements and missunderstandings accur but we settled them eventually. And it was not easy. Everyone thought we were perfect and stuffs whilst most don't see what happened behind the scene. We went for day trips, romantic dinner, attended wedding dinner together, outings and stuffs. Seems perfect to most. Well i hope it was what people see that last forever and get rid of those issues we were going through together that seems so difficult to get it settled.

It was my fault most of the time that i wanted this relationship to be so perfect that i neglect her part and her preferences. I was stubborn. Both were to be honest, in many ways. Since problems after problems keep on piling up. I guess she cant take it anymore.. She gave up. I did not. Somehow still hoping but yet i need to start thinking for my own good. No point forcing a relationship anyways. I do regret those mistakes i made. I was selfish that I made decisions through my own point of perspective. Thinking that what i said was often right and yet sometimes i was wrong. Though we were 4 years in difference of age. i guess i'm a bit old kinda mentality. Different era, those kinda shits.

I was somewhat obsessive and sometimes over concerned about her well being. Seems that made her feel uncomfortable in someway. This break up gives me a huge knock on my head making me realize what shits i've done and how things should be done to make things better. Well, its a bit to late for me. Should have thought of it earlier.

I was seriously down, devastated, upset, angry, shocked and so on, when this seems to be for real and i've got no more chance to make things right for us. A friend of mine suddenly message me on facebook, saying she is somewhat going through the healing period of a broke up, shared me some very helpful articles. Made me realize stuffs i never did. I'm seriously glad that she shared me those article. Made me feel better and think more wisely then i was before. Those articles was about how to deal with situation that im going through; break up.

As i go through reading stuffs related to my situations, gave me a brighter idea of what to do. Well, begging to continue back this broke up relationship was not one of it. though i wish there was a way of doing so. And so far i'm doing good at following the suggestions on dealing my situation(since a few hours ago to be exact). Its a good start at least. Better than nothing.

I was seriously down. Cried like hell i have to admit. Though does not seem right for a guy to be this sensitive and shits. I know i love her so much and the feeling was real. Ending up like this will surely bring down the toughest guy in the world as well if it meets exactly as my scenario. Recovering from this is very very dificult. Ive never fell in love with a girl this badly before. Seriously. And despite that feeling i have till now. I cant force something that will never happen. If she is so firm with her decision. And i cant do anythng else anymore to chnge her mind.

I Love You so much Gigi Chua Hui Chei. I hope the best for you. Ive made mistakes in life and letting you go was d biggest one yet. And I'm trying my best to recover from this.

12 Uplifting Quotes About Moving On After A Break Up

"Moving on,is simple thing, what it leaves behind is had." -Dave Mustaine

"Watching you walk out of my life does not make me bitter or cynical about love. But rather makes me realize that if i wanted so much to be with the wrong person how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along." -Anonymous

"Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving." -Albert Einstein

"You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore." -Christopher Columbus

"Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart" -Washington Irving

"When one door closes, another opens, but we often look so long and so regretfully uppon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us." -Alexander Graham Bell

"I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What broken is broken, and I'd rather remember it was at the best than mend it and see the broken pieces as long as I lived." -Margaret Mitchell

"The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you cant go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches." -Anonymous

"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." -E.M. Forster

"Letting go doesn't mean that you don't care about someone anymore. It's just realizing that the only person you really have to control over is yourself." -Deborah Reber

"Letting go has never been easy, but holding on can be as difficult. Yet strength is measured not by holding on, but by letting go." -Len Santos

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You mus do the thing you think you cannot do." -Elenor Roosevelt

Crash!!!

I am going back to my hometown, Sarawak for holiday.. cant wait for it!!! Well… I’m already at my hometown as I was writing this …:P… Hmmm… woke up early as I was going to the KLIA airport today… around 5am to be exact..said bye to my dad and then took off… he was half asleep justnw as I was saying so…

me and my mom left home around 5.40am this morning… driving the iswara according to the speed limit and properly along the KKB-Rawang road… everything went just fine as usual.. and then out of a sudden a Myvi driving out of the Antara Gapi residence area… I was already close but then he still goes out.. i was trying to avoid but then I cant make it and then BANG!!!!!!!!.... hit the front of the myvi…

my cars windshield shatters… I tried to brake as all this is happening but it doesn’t seems to work… skidding across to the other side of the road and to to side of the road… almost hit the electric line pillar as well but I manage to avoid it… my mom was panic’ing… I kept calm at all the times… as the car stops, smokes starts coming out of the engine… my mom was panic thinking that the car might blow off or sumthing… she tried to go out from her side of the door but it was jammed caused by the accident… but my side still fine and I manage to open it freely…

I went out of the car and so does my mom after that… the Myvi owner came out of his car as well and seems frighted… I yelled at him of what he did wrong… I was freaking mad as I am gonna be late for my flight at 9am… I swear I was gonna whack that fella up.. but my mom kept me chilled… so I just comply…

the condition of the car... :(...

called my dad… he came straight away after the call… but while waiting,, its kinda odd since out of nowhere the towing people pop out of nowhere… I thought they were just passer by and curious bout the accident and trying to help out or something… but then they offered the towing service to us… but the tow truck was not there yet…. I bet its already on their way… I cant wait longer since I have a plane to catch… as my dad came, as well as my uncle,, we discuss bout my condition which I have to reach the airport by 8pm latest… so my uncle send me then.,..

the idiot myvi driver!!!!

I left the “scene” and drove to the airport… yeah… me driving again even after the accident… my mom wanted to send me instead, but she needs to be there as she was the witness of the incident… took of and its kinda a race against time… since its already 7am and still at antara gapi… and the traffic is starting to build uo… luckly it wasn’t that bad,… have to drive abit faster on the highway… my uncle doesn’t seems to mind… went 130km/h on a van… but I thnk the meter is sumthing wrong or sumthing since it doesn’t feel like 130km/h… well… anyway I manage to reach the KLIA on time… around 8am…

straight away went in and chek in at the counter and stuff… I called my mom and she was at the police station dealing with the situation… well the myvi owner’s insurance is gonna cover the expences of repairing the car… since it was his fault and not mine… well… I need to made a report once I come back to KKB again since i was the driver and the police said that I need to do so as well.. hmm… the car is already 16years old… and nothing as bad as this had ever happened before… and this is the worse,.. hopefully the car can still be repaired… since my parents are actually at low budjet at the moment… tmro we will knw weather it is worth fixing or just let go of the car… my parents will discuss with the mechanics tomorrow…

I feel so bad somehow… since I just left and cant do anything.. well. I I don't go back to my hometown.. the ticket will “burn”… u get the point… actually, I suffer from minor bruises… my right knee hurts and my left calf hurts… so does my waist… limping as I walk and hurts as hell when I sneeze or cough.. might be better tomorrow I think… if its not then I’m going to go to the hospital… luckily nothing bad happened to me and my mom.. in terms of injury…

one more thing that made me survive the accede was the seat belt… luckly I wore them coz sometimes I don’t… I migh get injured badly or even wont be writing this shit right nw… u knw wat I mean… well… wear your seatbelts please!!!! I experienced this and it is very very very important as it saves lives… drive safely y’all!!! And be carfull!!!...

My shoulder condition.

Well... i am actually suffering from reoccuring shoulder dislocation... to date i have experienced 9 times of shoulder dislocation at the same left shoulder... and i haven't event went to the hospital for medical chek up... i kept on delaying... and thought that it might just cure by itself... i was wrong somehow..

went on google'ing for my cndition... and found out that i actually have ligament damage in my shoulder since it happens at the same shoulder everytime i dislocate them..

"If a dislocation occurs a second time in the same shoulder, especially with less trauma, the patient should be evaluated for the possibility of ligament damage in their shoulder. If this is the case, the patient may need surgery to prevent recurrent shoulder dislocations."

According to the particular site that i read of, it says that i need a surgery to fix them... :S.... to be honest, i'm not that scared of going through the surgery... but the cost of it that makes me wonder if i can afford them...

i dislocated my shoulder 4 times the day i first dislocated my shoulder... which was when i went for my first time Rock Climbing... which was on 20th of may this year,..

twice on 7th of august when i went for college event at Desa Waterpark... once in gym doing some work out in september(cant remember the exact date)... once on 4th of november when playing badminton... and once yesterday on 25th of november when i was climbing to reach up for something in the store...

i was able to relocate my shoulder everytime i dislocate them... for those who have not experienced shoulder on any sorts of dislocation, it hurts like hell!!!... worse then having my piercing... :P... i cant describe how it felt like... it dislocated around 2 inches away from it's socket most of the time... its obvious to see actually... but i straight away relocate them since the pain is unbareable... :S...

I need to get the treatment soon... because of this condition, i cant do much things which i like to do, such as rock climbing, working out in gym, sports, white water rafting, and so on... :(... i can do less then half of those kind off activity then how i could before this condition...

i am in need of cure for this!!! i cant stop this passion i have for these types of activities!!!! :(.... i am going to get the treatment someday... and hopefully i will be fully cured... :)... and able to do all those again as how i did before.... cant wait for that day to come.... :')

Passion of the needles and ink...

I have no idea how to say why i love piercings... and tattoo as well actually,.. i have six piercings already... one in the tongue, one at the lips, four at the ears... hehehehe... :P... hmm.. kinda addictive... i don't know why... my first piercing was my tongue piercing.... it was a year ago in November... then my lips in march early this year... a month later my scaffold piercing... hehehe... it is an ear piercing that uses a stud that goes through two holes... there's picture shown later... :P...

scaffold piercing or industrial piercing... :P...

a few months back i pierced my own ear... using a somesort of a sewing needle... hahaha... i soak the needle in an antiseptic solution at first and poke the needle through my ears... hahahahahha!!!!!!! well... most people might say its dangerous... well... it;s not actually... just that u need to take care of it and everything would be fine... :)... so far no infections... i pierced my ear again a few weeks after my first time piercing myself... ehhehehe... :P...

i pierced myself... heheheh... :P

People might say i'm crazy or something... i don't really care anymore... coz this is what i like... and why should i bother though... hehehehe. :P... honestly saying... i get damn a lot of stares everytime i go somewhere... in shopping complexes, lifts, train stations, and ect... :P... kids would point and talk bout it to their friends in front of me as if i cant hear them... small kids ran to their parents as they were scared looking at me... old man stares as if i didn't notice them staring... wahahaha... this is kinda what i go through almost everyday when i go out somewhere... kinda get used to this already... but then sometimes its kinda awkward at times... :P....

All of my studs and ear rings collections.. :P...

i'm not going to cover my face with damn a lot of piercings... :S... just what i have right now is enough... plus one more eyebrow piercing coming soon... :P... an unique piercing... hehehe... haven't seen anyone around me with that particular style for the eyebrow piercings... i went to dragonfly and they said i need to wait to get that piercing... coz i think they need to order the stud.... i'm gonna get it end of this month... wohhooO!!!!!>.. ;P..

Coming soon... :P

As for the tattoo part... hmmm... i gotta go earn my own money 1st be4 i get one... :P... i'm planing to get the one like in the 1st picture in this post... :)... it cost around RM1k plus.... hehehehe... it is a tribal tattoo... maybe i'm gonna get that next year... or perhaps the year after that,,.. who knows... hehehehe... :P....

Timeline 2010...

hahahahaha... lkau ih bk mnak dgn ubak liko ge dao... dah ko tao idak aa x tao uno wk type ko dgen ih naah... hmm... life dgen college saji lah dao tan... skai idak... sosial life pun dao tn kwk lah... tp wk ko prasan luin giih dbe ttep tn mood luin gm mler bk hipokrit... ko tao lh luin tn in tn gk ko be lian... dbuh bk mlim ngai lah sko... dh luin tn in tn gk ko... no lh ge ko... sma kwk lah... tp dbe smuah lah eh... hehehhe.... lan mula msok sbe best sen tn... be lh skai wk sji atng and cmited tn lah... gm psisah pun luk sen.. mnak kja ngipin sma gm slalu kwk lah.. hahaha..

tp ngak luin ih dbe ge... skit lh tn ge bk tmu skai wk tn luin ih.... hmmm... lilah kwk tn lah mun tn ih tn... gk aa gih milik standard tn bh... lilah sko plak luin bsa ih... tn kdao mun smuah steady min and kekel dao sen tn dgen udip ih... x lah mnak pdih nseng tn... bk pulik liko sen tn srik tmu gm situasi wk ngipin ih... tmu skai wk sji atng bk gm psakai... wk x pkira ngai tn gk standard gm duit atau mna g wk dao ngai g gk mata luin... x hl.. x paut ge bk pulik... hahaha.. bln 12 nh gk liko lh kdau ko... pulik cuti jebulan... bk enjoy habs2an..hahahaha.... paut ngak x tuteng(ark)... hehehehe... tteng gm lo skai hahaha... bh in mnak kja ngipin sma2 hahahaha...

gih skit tn bk mnak kja ngipn,... :P... dah x sporting tn lo skai ko gk kik wk gk liko,, hahahaha... x hl... 3 migu lebih ge.,.. bk racing... bk tuteng!! bk jarah kbo sakai lan xmas nh.. hahaha.. kman free/// :P.... hahahahhaa.... tmuk tuun kwk klik lah.. pwah tn gk srik bk tmuk tuun... hahahahahhahahaa.... ek eh... liluk tn psel mercun bk lik lan xmas nah.;. dah taun lpeh ko x pulik liko lan xmas... x plik marcun lbih mn jtaun ngk... haih... x rapa dao tn lh gk lian diem gk gih.... mun tn gih sma tn gk liko... x lh ko bk pserik tn ih tn... x lah ko sungut tn bh...

ko rsa gk aa skak ko liluk ge psel gk liko... ko luk ngai bk pulik... tp masalah nyin ko x knh... cuti jjuk ngai, tket mahal lah,, gm be jlakau lian sji pokai ngai tn... in lh x pulik... ajau ngk jetaun ngk ko x pulik... dah idak ngai tn ngk perubahan gk dlat g den ko... idak ngak g wk dao... hahaha... klik luk maap ko ngk ko lbik gk liko nh,,, hrep aa age klalak gk ko lh nh... tp nybik maaf lah mun tn ko liluk gk ngdan klo gk nh... otak ko x rapa dao gk tra nyenged gk ngadan aa ih... hehehehe... sorry... :P... hmmm... sber sen lah ew...

nngk ko lbk gin nah bruk ko pueh nseng atng... :P... tp bh in trpaksa pulik kih ude... hish.... mun knh plo gk liko paut aluk bruk lah dao tn... hmmm... taun bao nh hrp knah pulik idak lkau aluk... heheheh... x lh truk ngai tn... hmmm. ngk lah... x tao uno ge bk type ko jau... mun be aluk nh ko edit dgen post ih mun tn be wk x trak sui ko... heheheh... :P